The Weaver Family

My mother-in-law died last Monday after two months of extensive health problems. The health problems actually have a longer history than that, but the past two months they really kicked into overdrive.

I’m not going to sugarcoat my relationship with my mother-in-law. At best it was contentious. I use to tell her “I love you because of who you are, but I don’t always like you.” It was and is the truth. I had and have enough respect not to lie about it. We liked to argue with each other, not always because our viewpoints were that far apart, but because our reasoning on how we got to our beliefs differed. And yes we argued because we also had different beliefs. And we argued because we liked it. I think if we were chummy, we wouldn’t have gotten along as well as we did.

During the past two months, however, I got to help her. Sometimes she asked me for help, sometimes I just plain volunteered. I rushed home once because she and my father-in-law asked me to come home, they thought she was dying (two weeks before she passed). No problem. I owed them, my wife, my son, and even myself that. I did so because I loved and respected everyone involved.  I got to help her and spend time with her.  In between the delirium I got to settle some issues and tell her I loved her.  After a week, I went back to work.  And then…

It all came to an end last Monday, the 13th. She passed away. I heard the turmoil in my wife’s and my father-in-law’s voices. It tore me apart. My son tried to remain strong and stoic. I rushed home. We made the trip to WV to bury her where she wanted to be buried. It’s what she wanted, and I understand, once WV gets in your blood, it stays there. And since, she was from there, it made sense.

But what I don’t understand is why two out of four of her children could show her all the respect in the world, and the other two couldn’t. Forgo your differences, it’s your mother. Everyone has differences with everyone else. Of all days not to show respect for your mother, or your step-father. And the eldest grandchild didn’t even bother to show for the funeral (came to the viewing for all of five minutes). Yes it bugs me.  I was raised better than that.  And I know these kids were taught respect.  And yet two out of four showed no respect at all.  Other than that, the other two daughters, my wife one of them, planned a beautiful funeral, and it went well.

In the end, I know it will all wash. Christianity has the “reap what you sow” concept, others call it karma, others call it fate. I’m beginning to believe it’s just called natural justice.

Rest without pain Maryellen. You are missed.

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